yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
