he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
