i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
operation harelip BJ is a go
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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