I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
