Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
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