I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
