So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
