I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's blow job season.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
