we have pet lesbian snakes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick