Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think my nap took me to another dimension