I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.