Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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