Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Found your dick twin last night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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