I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
