its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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