i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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