ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
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We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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