I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
