It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
