Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
