I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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