phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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