dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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