I must be too annoying 4 u.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
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You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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