How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
