Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
