Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
