We named our party play list daddy issues
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So vagazzling was a success
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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