she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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