My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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