He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
