He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
As shirtless as possible
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
