North Korea, Best Korea!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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