she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
