I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It was confusing and full of hummus
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
