I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
