I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
