a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
