I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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