I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
