the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you win again, gameday.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
