My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
