If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
