i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
