is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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