i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Drake has all the answers
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
