I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
