how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
