I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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