your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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