I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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