A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
