Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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