..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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