did you get engaged???
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
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Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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