so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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