yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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