I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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