He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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