She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
