she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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