would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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