My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My feet surprised me
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