btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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