it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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