Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
should my penis look like a turkey
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
