hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
