I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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