Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We're too hungover to prance.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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